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Tuesday, May 29, 2012

21 Funny Ways to Use your iPhone

We've never been particularly known here for being staid and conventional so when we were given free rein to come up with some creative ways to use your iPhone we leapt at the chance. Leapt, I tell you!

Some of them are pure fantasy, a few are great ideas, and some are - yes - actually for real. Seriously.

Unusual but Doable

  • Fly swatter. I was airing the house out for company (when you have a puppy that thinks her signature smell is eau de deer poop airing the house out is important) and I was killing flies with anything I could grab, and yes - in a moment of desperation actually smushed one with my shiny new iPhone. Ooky. Definitely ooky.

  • Paper weight. There's no glamour in it but my iPhone has been known to do double duty as a paper weight. Particularly useful when part of the case is rubberized to minimize sliding.

  • Ice Breaker. When you have the latest most lusted after version of the iPhone it can be a great way to pick up chicks. Or dudes.

Don't I Wish They Coulds

  • Celebrity Handler. I'm not a violent person but if I thought one good crack with my iPhone would do something with the Kim Kardashian's of the world I'd resort to it, public service and all that.

  • Doppelganger. Generates a 3-D holographic projection of ourselves. Can't actually think of a real example of how it could be useful in my life but just give me the chance!

  • Power Nap Simulation. Displays a hypnotic swirl that after 30 seconds of watching imbues me with all the manna a power nap would. Like Red Bull without the jitters.

  • Outdoor Thermo-Bubble. Generates a force-field like area around me that stays an ambient 72 degrees in winter.

Actually Real and Totally Out There

  • F. FatBurner2k. For real. Well, sort of. The application will "burn fat" when activated, for use in those stubborn areas. Activate the application and place on your problem area and the vibration will melt the pounds away.

  • Hang Time. You will never allow those party debates to get ugly again when you can use Hang Time to end the argument forever with a real time calculation of how high you can actually throw your iPhone. No more guessing. No more debate. Mere 99 cents, replacement not included.

  • Sim Stapler.I suppose if you're the type of person that likes to pop bubblewrap (oh wait - there's an app for that called Bubblewrap, of all things!) and randomly staple absolutely nothing just for the sheer heck of it but hate the way the cost of those staples adds up you can now air staple with the Sim Stapler.

  • Passion. This one is almost depressing for some reason. Stud muffins (and muffinettes) that need to keep score can start the app and lay it on the bed and go to town expressing their passion to the fullest. The app then gives you a score of 1 - 10 that should be a real stand out on a resume Sigh.

  • DateCheck. This one may be a bit out there but it doesn't mean it's not useful or necessary. Getting the background information that's available to you through the app can be expensive, but if it saves you some heartbreak and possibly even your life then it moves it into the "Priceless" range.

  • (Sex) Offender Locator. And ditto on the potentially "Priceless" category. Little bit creepy, too, but the best way to prevent a problem - especially one that can have traumatic and far reaching effects - is to do the best you can to make sure it never happens in the first place. Generates a map with push pins with the most up to date information available (which unfortunately just can't always be that up to date).

  • Poo Log. Your grandma wishes she'd had this one at your age! As you log your poops you can track your progress and even generate graphs of your - um, productivity. All kidding (and obsessions and fetishes) aside, I'm betting there are some health issues out there that make this one pure Godsend.

Totally Cool and Actually Useful

  • Star Walk. Aim your phone at the sky and you get a breath-taking get your buddies gasping "Cool!" 3-D rendition of what you saw including constellations.

  • Santa Tracker. I know it's totally un-cool to admit you still believe, but don't be caught doing your last minute shopping without knowing EXACTLY what Santa's current location is. Added bonus: will help to entertain the cranky kid in the checkout line with you.

  • iHandy Carpenter's Level. Leave the tool bag at home and still get it level.

  • Ocarina. Play the ocarina on your iPhone. Very creative app. I mean, where do they get this stuff?

  • iSteam. Very high on the cool factor is this app that steams up the screen like steam on a bathroom mirror and then even lets you write on it. Will even let you load the photo of your choice in the background. Play time!

  • Moop Sounds Funny. All right, we warned you right in the beginning that you won't be getting the usual run of the mill stuff here, but Moop Sounds Funny will let you add sounds effects to real life even as its happening. Play a fart sound (no list is complete without at least one app that makes fart sounds) as the boss is bending over - endless hilarity AND promotions for everybody abound, as well as every sound they could think of that would comment on life. Sound affects for falls, teary occasions and tender moments. Of COURSE we're going to try it out!

  • Rotary Dialer. This is in the "No way! I love it!" category for me, but you can actually use this app to dial in a little retro action dialing Rotary style.

I'm sure we've missed some great ones and we modestly assert that there's no way our imaginations can compete with our Readers'. So come on, pony up! What are you longing to add to the list?


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